Many things have gone down since I last wrote. Specifically, I had a
baby and have for the past three weeks have been trying to daily adjust
to life with three kids. It's not easy, maybe it will get easier, but
for now, my song is "I need Thee every hour"...or minute for that
matter. But labor and delivery went fairly well, just 18 1/2 hours,
finally giving birth at 10:35pm Saturday September 6th. It was such a
crazy experience, and even though I had sincerely wanted to have a
natural birth, 8 hours into labor I opted for the epidural and haven't
regretted that decision one bit. But, that's not what this post is
about.
We had Ezra's first doctor's appointment when he was 10
days old. Everything looked great. Dr. Wade was very impressed because
Ezra had gained good weight (up 7lbs 9oz from 6 lbs13oz at birth). The
jaundice was clearing up and there were no concerns. Until later that
afternoon when Ezra spiked a fever, up to 100.9 at the highest, and I
noticed his left nipple was significantly red, swollen, and hard. This
obviously concerned me and I called the dr's office again, they said his
nipple was likely just "breast buds", something both male and female
babies can get from their mother's elevated estrogen levels in the
breast milk. They also suggested I unwrap him and that his fever should
go down, and not to bring him in unless it was 101! (yes, 1/10th of a
degree from that, but not to worry) We applied a warm compress to the
nipple and stripped him down to his diaper. The fever did break, and we
went to bed not as concerned, but agreed to just keep an eye on his temp
and his swollen "breast buds". Wednesday showed no improvement with his
nipple, but no more fever. That night Nathan suggested I try to get
Ezra back in to the dr on Thursday, just to make sure nothing else was
going on. It was rainy on Thursday, which worked out well because no one
was there as a walk-in, just me and the baby. Dr. Wade had a PA student
with him and they conversed back and forth about possible diagnoses and
what should be done. The fever was concerning, the red swollen nipple
as well. They decided to do a quick lab to check his white blood count.
Turns out it was 21,600, and an average would be anywhere from
3,000-12,000. This elevated count meant we had to go to the hospital for
IV antibiotics, and right away. There were no beds open in Muskogee so
we had to go to St. John's in Tulsa. Dr. Wade talked me through what we
might expect: that Ezra would likely stay 2-3 days, that he'd probably
have his IV in his scalp b/c the veins there are larger and easier to
get to, etc. I went home, ate a quick lunch, packed our bag, and Ezra
and I headed to Tulsa. Nathan stayed back with Aniyah and said he'd work
out where to take our older kids so he could join me at the hospital
later that evening.
I parked and walked way too far in wrong
directions, toting my baby carrier with the boy and a large duffle bag. I
finally found the 7th floor and the Ped ICU where we were to check in.
Dr. Miranda came to do an assessment while two nurses worked to draw
blood and get the IV in, in his scalp, and hooked him up to monitors for
his breathing, heart beat and respiration. I didn't know what to
expect. I for sure didn't think we would have to be there too long. I
thought maybe they'd move us to a more private, comfortable room instead
of the small box with monitors and a 1/2size twin pull out plastic
bed/chair. Dr. Miranda said we'd be there 3-4 days minimum, ok, 1-2 days
longer than Dr. Wade guessed, I could deal. He talked briefly about
what he would be testing Ezra for, specifically that he would do a
lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to test to see if any bacteria had gotten
to his spinal fluid, which could turn into spinal meningitis, and brain
damage if left untreated. I tried to not even think about that while we
waited over an hour for the initial test results.
Nathan got to
the hospital just before the results came in, and the initial test
showed no bacteria! Praise God!!! The final results would take 6-7 days
after doing a culture test with the fluid as well, but Dr. Miranda said
it was 80-90% accurate from the first reading typically.
The
staff were all very friendly, kind, helpful. Both Dr. Miranda and Dr.
Kerry were very professional and competent and wonderful as well (even
looking at a few trouble areas that I developed while in the hospital
and prescribing needed medications for me). But spending 6 nights in the
PICU, which nothing but a drawn curtain separating us from the nurses
station, sleeping on a flimsy pull out chair both Nathan and I,
breastfeeding in front of everyone practically, and having nurses and
doctors and technicians and everyone else coming in our room at all
hours of the day, oh and having the monitors and IV beeping at us all
day/night as well...it just was not the most pleasant way to spend a
week. We did get moved to a private room the last night we were there,
which was wonderful (our own bathroom instead of having to walk to a
different hall to shower or go to the bathroom!). But it was still hard.
It was stressful. I missed my kids so much. I missed my bed and missed
being able to hold and swaddle and love on my baby without all the wires
and the IV coming out of his head (it was later moved to his right hand
when the IV came out of his head, bless him!). I could complain a lot
if I wanted to about our time in the hospital, it was inconvenient to
say the least. But I won't (or I'll stop now with all that I already
said). I have so much that I am grateful for. So many people to thank.
My God who was right there with all of us, healing Ezra each day until
we finally were able to come home, a fully 7 days later after first
checking in. So, here is my short list of all that I am grateful for
from our time in the hospital, big and small things:
1. The Great
Physician! Thanks to facebook, we were able to keep friends and family
updated on Ezra's progress, and because of that so many people were
praying for him. It was really truly incredible how many people
commented that they were praying. My friend's Bible study group prayed
for him in Dallas, people in NC and TN and AL and FL and PA were all
praying. God heard those prayers, He healed our son, and no further
damage was done other than the isolated infected spot. Praise Him Praise
Him!
2. I have one amazing husband. His parents came to town
Friday, an already planned trip to meet Ezra and help out for a week
around the house. We hardly saw them at all the whole week. Nathan went
to Muskogee Friday to get them settled in and have dinner with them
before heading back to the hospital to stay the night with me and Ezra.
They came up to Tulsa Sunday evening with the kids and got to meet Ezra,
and I got some much needed time with Isaac and Aniyah in the hospital
waiting room. But, Nathan was there. He didn't leave. He let me get out
to go for a short walk or grab some lunch or coffee. He ran errands to
get us food or pick up prescriptions. He was flexible, calm, supportive,
encouraging. He continues to amaze me with his loyalty and love.
Ahavah, a love of the will in deed.
3. My in-laws. They came,
they worked hard, they loved on Isaac and Aniyah full time while we were
in the hospital. When we were finally sent home Thursday night, I found
a sweet note from Paula just loving on me and encouraging me and
telling me she had made over 9 different freezer meals. She did it all
while Aniyah was at her "school" Tuesday, really the only day Paula
could have kicked up her feet and rested a bit. Doug took Isaac fishing.
They watched movies together, took walks, played outside, read books.
My in-laws are truly servants and love so well. I am grateful beyond
words. My house was cleaned, my laundry done, nothing for me to think
about at all once we got home Thursday night. Nathan had headed home
from Tulsa earlier that afternoon because Doug and Paula had to leave,
so I didn't even get to see them at all while they were here other than
when they came to the hospital for a quick visit Sunday night. Truly
wonderful people. I don't know what we would have done without this this
week! I understand how Ruth felt about Naomi!
4. Friends!
So many friends came to visit us, or sent us letters, or notes of
encouragement via email or facebook. Jim and Chelsi came up our first
night to bring us dinner. Mike and Becky, Holly and Dana, then the Halls
including Ashley (!!) and Lauren came on Saturday through out the day.
David came one day on his lunch break to just check in. Susan was going
to come and made it all the way to the parking garage before she started
coughing and knew she wouldn't be allowed to see us so she didn't even
come up, bless her! Charla and Payton came one night for a few hours.
Jan came and stayed most of Wednesday evening with me. And my friend
Meredith came and brought us dinner one night, took me out to lunch two
other times while we were there. She offered to pick up our kids, do our
laundry, let us eat/sleep/shower at her house. She understands, she was
in the hospital for 28 days a couple years ago, separated from her
family. Such wonderful, loving, caring people. How did we manage to get
such incredible friends?
5. Things could have been much worse!
Really, the boy just had a fever and infection. Which truly is a big
deal since he's so young, but it didn't spread, and it was treatable,
and he is healthy now. I am grateful for modern medicine, grateful for
the doctors and nurses and other staff at St. John's that took care of
us and our boy for a week. Grateful that we live in a country with good
hospitals and competent doctors, with quick lab results and easy access
to necessary medicine and treatment options.
6. Grateful for
little things like diapers and wipes provided by the hospital. 3 meals a
day provided to me because I'm breastfeeding the "patient". St. John's
being right across the street from Utica Square, I was able to get out
and walk for a few minutes each day, grab some Starbucks or just do a
quick window shopping at pottery barn, williams sonoma, or
anthropologie. It was a nice break from the otherwise mundane in the
small hospital room where we resided. Grateful for the nurses that came
in and shared some of their stories, and listened to ours.
7.
Although I hated being away from Isaac and Aniyah, I can be thankful
for the one-on-one bonding time Nathan and I both got with our youngest,
which otherwise wasn't going to happen. We held him, comforted him,
loved on him around the clock for that week (and continue to do so of
course, but in more realistic moderation), and it was wonderful to have
that time with just him.
8. Grateful that on day 7 we were moved
to a "private suite" with our own bathroom! What a difference that
made! Although the nurses and doctors still came and went, Ezra still
had his IV, he was no longer hooked up to the monitors and we had more
privacy and our own bathroom (I was most excited to have my own bathroom
obviously). It was wonderful! Not home, but truly more comfortable.
9.
I think that I learned two things about our culture just from the sheer
volume of TV I watched that week. 1. In America, we love reality
shows! LOVE THEM. I watched so much HGTV and TLC and even the
Discovery Channel this week. So many home renovations, say yes to the
dress, and oh yeah, food network shows (which aren't really reality tv,
but still). We love the story, even within the home
renovations/remodels, we love taking something broken, not working, in
disrepair and fixing it up. We love some "real life" drama that somehow
resolves itself within a nice 30 minute episode. We love reconciliation
and redemption. We love it. I got sucked in for sure. 2. Comedy these
days is awful. At least the movie Bridesmaids is. It was funny, in
parts, but mostly it was raunchy, and reflected so much about our
culture that I just loathe. Mostly, how flippant we are about sex. How
mean we are to each other. How easily we justify expressing our feelings
and thoughts in ugly ways because somehow we feel we have a "right" to
do so, even if it hurts others. I was just disappointed, and
disappointed b/c I know this is what everyone is watching and laughing
about and gosh, it was just kind of a sad take on our culture and values
currently.
10. And on a more positive note, I think I have
learned over these past three weeks, one week in the hospital included,
that having a newborn is indeed difficult and frustrating and tiring,
but it is also so sweet and wonderful and beautiful. God truly gives me
just what I need when I need it, whether it's a little bit of sleep, a
word of encouragement, a true/correct thought, etc. I am learning to be
content, it's a daily challenge at times, because I tend to cry a lot
right now, especially when Ezra is crying and upset and I feel like i
just cannot do this any more, but God does continue to give me just what
I need every moment of the day. I am forever grateful. I was always
somewhat hesitant about having a newborn, just because they are so
helpless and 100% dependent, but I have found such joy and beauty in
this stage, and even when it's hard I can appreciate it because I know
it will not last forever. I will take all the snuggles and sad crying
spells because he's only this age for a split second (even when it feels
like an eternity). God is my rock and my fortress, I just have to run
to him! And I"ll hold to that. I will choose to abide, I will choose to
bear fruit even when I'm exhausted. I will choose joy even when I feel
worn down. I will choose patience even when I think it's depleted. There
is much much much to be grateful for, and complaining, worrying, fear
just aren't worth it. Three happy, now healthy, wonderful, beautiful
children. An amazing, loving, kind, patient, supportive husband. A
thoughtful, nurturing body of believers that is the church. Friends and
family that rallied around us and prayed with us and provided hugs,
food, love. From the depths of me, I am grateful! To God be all the
glory!
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