the difficulty and joy of being content

I think we focus way too often on "being happy." Switchfoot sings "happy is a yuppie word", and I think there is some truth in understanding that being happy and being content are very different states of being. Happy is fleeting, it's a feeling, it's a mood. Being content is richer and deeper to me, it's a definite state of mind, a purposeful decision, it's intentional. With a background in psychology and counseling, I am coming to believe that many symptoms of depression, anxiety, and anger could be so fewer if we could learn to be content. Easier said than done.

I have been struggling with being content lately. I have not been depressed, I have not been overly anxious, I have not been furiously angry, but I have been sad, I have felt down, I have been worried, I have been more angry than I care to admit. I have been dissatisfied with my current state. I have been dwelling on "what used to be", or "what I wish it was" when it comes to this life of mine. And if I'm not careful, those thoughts can become paralyzing, dangerous, and destructive. I know that when Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretense that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.", that's it. Taking back my thoughts, taking my heart, my mind, and giving it to the giver of all good things, the Creator who knows me better than I know myself, I make thoughts and those feelings of being unsatisfied obedient to Him!

But here's the deal, here's why I am sad and discontent sometimes. I miss my friends. My heart aches when I think about my friends and my family in the States. It is HARD to be so far away. It is lonely as we still do not know how to communicate well and therefore cannot even being to form meaningful relationships with people here (10 months in). So, I am not content with our current situation. And then there are things that I miss, and things that I wish were different, experiences I wish my children were getting to have. For example, family traditions, nostalgic things, like having a big Christmas tree all decorated that they could see every day. Visiting friends and family that know and love us and that we know and love deeply, and living life together. Taking my kids to see houses and parks all lit up for Christmas. It's little things and big things that tear at my heart and cause my thoughts to lose sight of what this is all about. Why we are doing what we are doing. And to forget that my kids' childhoods are their own, they won't be like mine, no matter where we lived, it's their story and God will be glorified in that.

So, striving to be content, here and now, today, this minute, this week, this season, it's been a lesson in mind, thought, and heart surrendering. This is the first step for me, surrender. Laying down my sadness, my discontent, my worries, my frustrations and anger. Admitting my weakness, and asking for God's strength. Asking God to give me and my family the daily bread, and thanking Him for that instead of wishing I had more. When I dwell too much on the past and what I miss, thanking Him for those memories and sweet times. When my heart aches for friends, stopping and praying for them or writing them a quick message on viber or facebook. And talking to God about how I'm feeling, asking Him to please continue to provide for our relational needs here. When I mess up with my kids because I'm tired and worn out and suddenly everything I don't like about living here has become a huge monster that is beating me up, I exhale and breathe in His grace, remembering that He makes all things new and that there is joy in the morning. I ask my kids to forgive me a lot. I remind them, and myself, that we have everything we need. Everything.

I can be content, but I have to chose it. I have to surrender my feelings and thoughts. I have to chose joy, gratitude, and contentedness. It's definitely so rich, peaceful, and wonderful when I finally rest and am content.
2 Peter 1:3-11

 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your callingand election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

PS-I do love living here. I am grateful and full of joy and gratitude many days. I promise I'm not moping about, wallowing in self-pity all the time. And when discontentedness rises up, I'm learning how to ward it off, rather than feed it.