on being pregnant

My mom and I just started a tv series on Netflix called Call The Midwife, recommended to me by a good friend. It is excellent. It takes place in the east end of London in the 50's I believe and is based off of a midwife's memoir. I've watched 4 episodes so far and really love it.  Maybe it's the style of the 50's, or the English accents, or seemingly much simpler way of life back then. Or maybe it's because I am pregnant and can appreciate each of the stories in each episode. Maybe it's just good tv.
I have 5 weeks till my "due date", which I have learned is so arbitrary. Typically the baby comes anytime two weeks before or after that said date, and only 5% are born on their actual due date. So, I'm telling myself, it could be 3 weeks or 7. I'm prepared for 3.
Pregnancy has been really...quick. It's hard to believe that I'm so close. Yet, these last few weeks do seem to be dragging on so. July 24th, in Oklahoma, long hot days, do seem to be longer. I had a pretty inconvenient first trimester. Mostly feeling extreme exhaustion, not to mention having just come home with baby girl, and dealing with that adjustment. I felt pretty queasy, but never threw up, and just needed to eat frequently to feel better. Which was fine, except I could barely motivate myself walk around the block as exercise. I missed running, felt lazy, was adjusting to my new baby, and new hormones, and it just wasn't the best few weeks, but could have been so much worse.
Around week 12-14 I got my energy back and felt great again. I went for runs and decided I should run a half marathon in April. Why not?  Had a couple friends tell me they did it, that it was hard (having to stop to pee frequently and needing to walk more often than when not pregnant. obviously), but that it is totally do-able. Around week 17 of my pregnancy though, I needed to stop, I was getting these cramps (which I'm pretty sure was round ligament pains), and just felt like I had to pee all. the. time. even if I had just emptied my bladder. No biggie. I walked. I still walk. At least 2-3 miles at a time. And do this Prego-fit dvd that a friend let me borrow. It helps so much to stay active, in a smart way, and to still get that "alone" time to think and listen to music and just get out by myself.
Around week 18 I felt a little flutter in my tummy and knew it was something I had not felt before. Pretty exciting. I'm not sure when it happened but now the boy does not stop moving. His little booty is right up near my ribs and his feet like to move around on my right side. Every time I've seen my dr he says the boy is head-down.
At my last appointment, on Tuesday, the dr said he thought maybe he had flipped, and wasn't head-down. So he got the rolling ultra-sound machine, a rather crude image but clear enough for me, and we checked. Yes, still head-down. Saw his little heart beating, his head and profile of his face, his hands and legs and feet. It was wonderful. Especially since I was informed I would only get the one ultra-sound that we had at 18 weeks. It blows my mind that there is a tiny baby in my belly. So very amazing, and amazing is an incredible understatement.
Most days, I'd say I don't spend a ton of time thinking about Ezra, or even the fact that I'm pregnant. There are moments when I glance at myself in the mirror and for a split second think "goodgrief girl, you are putting on weight...oh, nevermind, I'm pregnant." This may sound absurd. But I do have 2 other little ones that I am chasing after constantly, so mostly I don't have a ton of time to devote solely to this pregnancy. Maybe that's for the better. It does seem our culture becomes a bit neurotic when it comes to pregnancy and babies. Neurotic as in obsessed. And obsessions can become paralyzing or evoke unreasonable fear. I have stayed away from that, and I'm grateful. I trust that this baby will be fine. If the worst happens, I trust I will be given what I need to deal with it. Maybe that's naive, but I like to think it's faith.
Coolest part of being pregnant is definitely watching my belly move each time I sit for more than 5 minutes. His little bottom and feet go crazy. Feeling the hiccups is also pretty wild. Isaac loves talking to baby Ezra each morning and for awhile insisted he talk to Ezra through my mouth, like it was a tube that went straight to Ezra or something. It took some convincing but he now talks to Ezra most mornings just through my stomach. He'll say "good morning baby Ez-wah." It's heart-melting stuff. I got two pregnancy massages and both were so so nice and perfect! 
I keep saying, and truly believe, that the summer is the best time to be pregnant. Just don't eat processed foods or added salt to avoid swelling, and you're golden: you get pools, swimming, water whatever you want, longer days to go for walks early or late if it's hot, you get fresh fruit and veggies galore, and you can just wear a dress every day--easy breezy cool. I've loved it. I have eaten my weight in cherries and watermelon, have devoured bowls of greek salad with fresh cucumbers from our garden and tomatoes from Cosetta's garden, and put kale, swiss chard, and/or zucchini and squash in my omelet or quesadilla on an almost daily basis. Thank you Lord!
The only complaints I have with being pregnant, besides not being able to do whatever I want, would be 1. not drinking wine (I'm not a lush by any means, if anything I'm a light-weight, but do enjoy a tiny amount of good red wine occasionally) 2. running. Oh I miss running. Though, not in this heat! 3. Bottoms of my feet have been feeling bruised for a couple months now. I got some Birks which have helped, I just wear them all day, no big deal. 4. Numbness in hands when sleeping, probably pregnancy induced carpal tunnel. My fingers are numb typing. So I wear a hand brace at night and just get to look extra cute. 5. Not getting to sleep on my back or stomach. But side sleeping isn't horrible, just not what I prefer. 6. Eating sushi. I've had some, the safe stuff, but I miss some good raw fish! Ha. 7. Carrying Isaac, my sweet 40lb-ish son. Also just having the kids sit in my lap isn't nearly as easy as it was previously.
But for all my minor aches and tiny inconveniences, this has been totally worth it, obviously. It has still taken some getting used to since it wasn't planned or expected, but I'd say I have embraced it with joy and really look forward to meeting my son. I've enjoyed reading and learning more about what my body is doing. Ina May's book The Guide to Childbirth was excellent!  And I'm almost done with Hypnobirthing, though think I would need the classes in order to truly do this during labor.  I hired a doula and have met with her once, and see her again next week when I'm just a month out. She is so kind and calm and I think will be a great fit, I'm so excited. We had two friends give us loads of baby boy clothes, so we are set there. I purchased a little side-sleeper baby bed that snuggles right up next to my side of the bed for those late night feedings I can't wait for. Really, we have been given all we need (I think) and only lack infant cloth diapers which we can order and have shipped here in 2 days.
Nathan and I took a one-day childbirth class two weeks ago now. It was informative. There were only 3 other couples. And during the afternoon section on relaxation techniques, Nathan let out a huge fart, totally accidental, I've never seen him embarrassed! The giggling from the other couples, and the instructor, went on for 5 minutes or so, to the point the instructor told us to all take a break before resuming our Lamaze breathing.
Nathan has been very supportive. Really encouraging. Just perfect. I was not excited going into this third trimester with it being summer, and him gone for 3 full weeks. But it has been fine. I have felt great and just taken it a day at a time. I'm very very very grateful that I've had it relatively easy. Nathan and I plan on celebrating our 8 year anniversary a month early, since Ezra is due right beforehand. We are headed to NW Arkansas for a couple days, our kids will stay with some good friends who have so graciously agreed to watch our kids. It will be a nice time away before we become a family of FIVE.
I plan on doing a natural birth. No reason to assume I can't, but I also know things happen so mentally am okay if things don't go as I plan. But I'm hopeful and not nervous or anything about labor and delivery. I have thought so much about my kids' birth moms and what their pregnancy might have been like and their labor as well. I have thought about them and cried for them so much.  When people here freak out about pregnancy related things, like drinking caffeine, sleeping on whatever side or not, or what ot eat and not eat (all of which are totally important and relevant), I have thought about women all over the world, birthing healthy babies with zero pre-natal care, zero education, poor nutrition, and probably sleeping on their backs the whole time, on a dirt floor or something. I just feel part of something grander, larger. SOmething that half the worlds population (give or take) experiences at some point in their lives: pregnancy and bringing new life into the world. It is truly remarkable. I'm honored to be able to experience motherhood in two such amazingly beautiful ways.