Jesus, I need you so desperately. There are so many things within my heart I want to change. I know you can take them away. I want to surrender them to you, but I don't know how to fully let them go. You are beautiful, you are holy, you are good, you are pure. I need you. Please be near. I will draw near to you, please draw near to me. Teach me, let me teachable.
There is so much ugliness in my heart, so much anger, contempt, fear, selfishness. I want to rid myself of these. I want to replace them with joy, with love, with peace, with patience, with kindness, humility.
I want to be a better mother. I don't want to live each day as if I were just trying to get through it. I want to live it fully, whole-heartedly, intentionally, bravely. I want to love my children as much as I can like you love them. I am weak and full of sin, but I want to love better. I want my children to remember me as a mother who was loving, kind, compassionate, selfless, humble, slow to anger, constant, and above all, FAITHFUL. This is how I want my children to know me and remember me. I want them to catch glimpses of you and your love through our interaction. This is all I want. To be faithful to you, and to let them see that.
Father, I am full of fear about our future. This place of limbo and waiting is surely not easy or pretty. But it's good, to be somewhat restless, knowing I need to rest and abide in you. I will bear fruit when I abide, right? Dear Lord, I ask that you will be ever present in this season of waiting, trusting, searching. Please be so close to us, please give us wisdom as we press forward with our plans, please give us discernment. Please guide us as we look to you! Let us be faithful above all things! I am very much asking that you will show us how we should proceed with a "sending church", this is in your hands. Please make this so clear.
I ask now for love, love for the Jula people that we have not even met. I ask for a great awareness to their needs and hurts and their culture. Let Nathan and I, and our kids, be instruments in your hands. Let us every day come to you, be filled by you, to go and pour out into our neighbors and those who need to know you. Let us be your witnesses. Let us shine your light in the dark. May the darkness shrink back so quickly by your beautiful, blinding, hope-filled, holy light. I pray Nathan and I will daily put on your armor, and through it all to stand against the devil's schemes, against the powers, authorities and rulers of this dark age. We want to be faithful. This battle is bigger than we understand. Help us Lord!
I pray for Nathan as he goes from here. As he is transitioning, and yet staying. As he is a father, a husband, and your servant in all things. Give him wisdom. Give him faith to trust you and seek you in everything. Protect him from evil. Protect our marriage and strengthen it.
I pray for Isaac, and his brave, fearless heart. God, help him to do what is right, help him to remember to obey. Help him be kind and think of others. I pray for Aniyah, her sweet, strong-willed, independent little heart. God, help us to guide her, love her, be sensitive to her. Help her to be obedient, not talk back, and to be confident in our love for her and for her to understand even at this young age how very much you love her and will never leave her! I pray for Ezra, that he will grow to be faithful to you. That he will long to do what is right and will flee from evil. I pray that he will continue to sleep well, help him to grow physically and emotionally into the man you want him to be. I pray this for each of my children. Please LORD, help me to parent them in the best way. I want to be faithful in parenting, to bring you glory. God this is all for you, my daily interactions, when I fold laundry, and change diapers, I want to do this all to your glory, in the big and small things. God I need you today! I am tired. I ask that you help me to decrease, so that you may increase. No more thinking so much about myself. Let me turn my eyes to Jesus, and in him see your heart-beat and therefore to be about the things you are about. Please, help my heart to stay focused on you!
I am excited for Easter, to celebrate Jesus' resurrection! It is in him that I have all my hope! Thank you Holy, Faithful Father! I am so glad to be able to pray to you, thank you for Jesus' sacrifice which I can't even fully comprehend so that we can have this avenue of prayer. Please hear my heart, please be faithful, please come and be near. Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord!
No comments:
Post a Comment