it all feels just like being pregnant and having a baby

When I learned I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed by the idea of having a newborn. Because before Ezra I had only started at age 1 with both of my other two babies. So, the newborn stage was daunting to say the least. I thought I would be sleep deprived, I thought I would be a nut case, I thought I would have postpartum depression. I braced myself for the worst. (I don't know where all this came from, but in my mind I thought that those first few months after having a baby must be horrible, I'm sure I heard it from mom friends at some time, I don't even know.) I prayed and prayed and prayed while I was pregnant that God would give me the strength I needed, and that God would give me an "easy" baby. And I can say this easily now that Ezra is almost 14 months old, but my perception of what it would be like to have a newborn was completely wrong. Completely. Sure there were days that I was stressed, tired, that I cried, that I didn't feel like myself at all. But God gave me such sweet memories. He was sweet through it all. The newborn stage was hard, but so good. So precious. I loved it. I loved having a newborn, and all the messiness of it all. And I praise God for it.

When I think about moving to Burkina Faso, often times my mind is filled with trepidation as I imagine it to be terribly hard, I worry I might have depression, I wonder if I might be exhausted and not like it one bit. And in this, I think, Jesus already exceeded all my expectations in other areas, and He will do it again, and again and again! So I pray and pray and pray that He will be sweet in this new season where I have not walked before. That even though it will be hard and I will likely cry and not feel like myself at times, that it will be good, and wonderful, and beautiful. And that I will look back and praise God for how He worked in my heart and my mind and transformed it once more. And that I will in face, love it! I will not look towards this future with any trepidation or false expectation. I will rightly lean on my good Father, trusting that He has brought me safe thus far and will remain faithful in all things.